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The Love vs Friendship dilemma

The great relationship dilemma had always been between love and friendship. When we get attracted to someone, often we wonder whether we should call it love or friendship. From Hollywood to Bollywood, many scriptwriters had created romantic tales around this turmoil and made super hit movies. We enjoy these movies, but when it comes to our personal lives we still struggle with this love-vs-friendship confusion.

Osho beautifully captures the intricacies in this painfully mysterious issue. “Love has its own turmoils, ups, and downs. Friendship is very tranquil. It knows no ups, no downs. Yes, it will not have those peaks that love has, but it will also not have those valleys that follow the peak. Love is restlessness. Friendship is tremendously restful.”

Osho clearly places friendship on a higher plane. But his emphasis is on “not to be in a hurry” and just cherish each moment as it comes. Sooner or later our relationship with the other evolves. He gives an understanding of what we can expect in both love and friendship.

Why is friendship tranquil, unlike love? There is something basic to it. “Lovers are facing each other. They have to say something; otherwise, silence becomes awkward, embarrassing.”

But among friends, the communion takes a different route. “Friends don’t face each other in that way. They face something else – maybe the sunset, a bird on the wing, a beautiful white cloud. Holding hands, sitting together, they face something else. They both are facing something else. They are in a sort of deep communion, they are one.”

Another reason Osho terms friendship as “solid” is because it is beyond our biology. “Friendship is love without any biological tones to it.”

“Friendship is a higher phenomenon. It is pure love; it has nothing to do with your biology. Love – ordinary love – can be explained through biology, but friendship cannot be explained. It is a mystery. Friendship is like a fragrance; love is gross, because of its sexuality, and its origins. It is a little heavy.”

Osho says friendship can happen out of love as we mature. “Whether lovers say it or not, by and by they become friends. In fact, many things by and by, disappear. When love has come of age it becomes friendship. When love has lived through happy and unhappy moments and has matured, ripened, then it becomes friendship.”