“I understand…” Does this statement sound familiar? You would say of course it does, we use it every day to relate, don’t we? Some might even think what a silly question it is? Well, the reason behind this question is to go within and ask ourselves, do we really understand or relate authentically when we say we do?
Regardless of whatever the answer is, we all know that the process of relating with others is one of the most challenging aspects of life, as it is the key ingredient to building healthy, complimentary (Non-codependent) & meaningful relationships, isn’t it?
As per my experience, relating helps me to satisfy the most primordial need of all that exists, which is to love and be loved unconditionally, to be accepted as I am. It helps me to understand others’ perspectives which results in authentic personal & professional relationships. I express myself freely around the people to who I relate. It is like becoming a child again around them. I guess most of us feel the same way around the people who we relate to authentically, don’t we? So let’s take a deep dive into the “Art of Relating”.
What does relating mean?
As per Osho, [1] “Relating is a question of great perception and understanding. We find breaking off with someone very easy and becoming connected very difficult. We easily learn how to hate, but not how to love. It is utterly easy to create an enemy. The question is how to create a friend. And a person lives his life successfully and artfully only to the extent that his number of friends grows daily so that by the time of his death he can say that he has a great number of friends on this earth.
But usually, the opposite happens. As a child, one has many friends but as one goes on getting older, the number keeps decreasing. You remember childhood so well: there were so many friends, everything was so wonderful. But as people grow older their number of friends slowly keeps diminishing. Something must be missing in the way they live their lives, in their art of relating in life. Otherwise, the number should have grown – whosoever they met should have become a friend.
Man can live alone. In fact, man wants to live alone. The ego does not want to be related because in relating you have to bend a little, you have to leave your stubbornness a little. You have to come to the other’s plane. This is the meaning of friendship, that we consider the other to be our equal”
As per my understanding, relating is like two trains going in the same direction. One goes 100 miles an hour and the other goes 200 miles an hour. Who sits in the other train? You don’t know, because of Zoom! It goes by too fast for you to see.
But if two trains next to each other both go 100 miles an hour, then you can open up the window and have a cup of tea. I think that’s a beautiful metaphor for relation. Just because I sit in the same room with you doesn’t mean we are well related, we just happened to be in the same room. But if I get my nervous system to really feel you and include you in my experience, then I respect the unique viewpoint in life that only you can take.
Challenges in Relating?
Experientially speaking, below mentioned reasons are the few major obstacles in connecting with others in a better way.
- Our need to be right all the time which is related to our ego & eventually leads us straight into arguments.
- Our habit of judging people on the basis of our experiences & fears, resulting into forming unreal & unnecessary conclusions & perceptions about them.
- Most of us are selective listeners not the active ones. We only listen to what we want to listen to not what is actually said or we listen to answer, not to understand. Like they say “We have two ears and one mouth and we should use them proportionally” lol.
How to Relate?
So the million-dollar question is How to relate? How to dissolve the ego & be more empathetic? How to listen to others actively without being judgmental?
Osho says [2]“Instead of thinking how to relate, fulfill the first requirement: meditate, be, and then relating will arise out of it on its own accord. One who becomes silent, blissful, one who starts having overflowing energies, becomes a flower, has to relate. It is not something that he has to learn how to do, it starts happening. He relates with people, he relates with animals, he relates with trees, he relates even with rocks”
So the key is to meditate. Meditation has helped me to be an empty vessel for others, to be a good listener & to make relating a natural process, not a forced one or a pretentious one. This results in building loving, harmonious & meaningful relationships with ourselves & others.
In the end, below are the few meditation techniques that have helped me in the whole process of becoming no one & everyone simultaneously, most of the time ☺.
1. Osho Gibberish Meditation. – A method of release using sound and body movement, Gibberish has been described by Osho as “one of the most scientific ways to clean your mind.” (LINK: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MD9Yj7_jcI)
2. Osho Dynamic Meditation – This revolutionary morning meditation provides an outlet for tension and withheld emotions. This is a powerful way to kick start your day. (LINK: https://www.osho.com/meditation/osho-active-meditations/osho-dynamic-meditation
3. Osho Kundalini Meditation – This is a gentle yet effective way to release all the accumulated pressures of your day. (LINK: https://www.osho.com/meditation/osho-active-meditations/osho-kundalini-meditation)
4. Osho Nataraj Meditation – This is an energy dance and an easy and natural way to turn in. (LINK: https://www.osho.com/meditation/osho-active-meditations/osho-nataraj-meditation)
~Mitrra